Oh come on!
PyCairo doesn’t allow you to load a font from a file you specify; neither does Pango. Aggdraw and PIL can do that, but they don’t provide font metrics. A PIL font object can at least give you a bounding box for a piece of text before actually rendering it, so for my current needs, it looks like the best choice of the bunch. However, it doesn’t really look attractive enough to be worth the trouble.
Originally I started to explore alternatives to pygame.font because I didn’t want to live…